Lost Cause

borderlinehappyandsad:

Having Borderline Personality Disorder means going from feeling euphoric and great for a while then a small hint of rejection or abandonment comes then you spiral back into chronic emptiness. It also means having an identity crisis and not recognising the reflection you see in the mirror. It’s constantly dyeing your hair different colours to match your new personality. It’s changing jobs, goals, and aspirations because of your unstable identity. It’s fearing abandonment deep down to your core that you leave people before they leave you because you want to avoid that feeling of abandonment at all costs. It’s having zero self control over your thoughts and your extreme mood that constantly swings over the smallest things. It’s being impulsive: it’s having unprotected sex, it’s being promiscuous, it’s binge shopping, it’s binge eating, it’s running around the streets jumping on a stranger’s car. It’s being emotionally dependent on other people. It’s latching onto others and being overly attached to them. It’s obsessing over the smallest things. It’s having inappropriate anger. It’s being an unpredictable roller coaster. Being borderline means a lot of things. It also means being passionate, when you love, you love so much that it burns you up. It’s experiencing every emotion 10x stronger. It’s having gone through so much emotional trauma that you become resilient. To all my borderline warriors out there, you’re all so strong and so brave and I’m so fucking proud of you for being here today. You’ll be okay, stay strong and have faith in yourself.

Don’t you find it weird how life is only temporary yet it is for ever to us? This temporary thing is all we will ever know. And yet we spend the whole time trying to figure out what it is we want to do with this limited time we have? How we find one person and follow the norm of society and get married and live together and work all the time? How we create yet another temporary life for them to go on do the same we did? Like I feel as though I haven’t done anything with my life yet that I can look at and say that my temporary time was worth my while. But you never know how long you have left. Why does your brain remember stuff and how can you understand it? How does the brain and the body work? Why do I get this feeling in my stomach when he does the simplest things like look at me or smile. What are they? How does your body learn to react when you like someone and what makes you like someone. Even more so. What is love. How does it work and how can you know when you are in love? The universe is infinite, time is infinite, energy is infinite and the human life is short. So if something as powerful as the universe can be created to last forever. How can a human only last a matter of seconds in comparison. And how can a human life be so unsubstantial that it only destroys the universe and our planet but does not make a difference for a better world? I want to make a difference for a better world but my time is vastly limited compared. But then what even is time when you look at it. A set of numbers created some time way before even our great ancestors were alive. Why do we always worry about not having enough time to make something of our selves or even do something we enjoy. Even down to not making a drink, because we’re late. What is the concept of time when you compare it to the universe. We haven’t discovered the whole of our own planet. Let alone the vast space in which our planet exists. No one can tell you for sure why our planet is here, why humans are here, how the earth was created and how life came from that. So why should anyone tell you what you do with the time you were given for no reason? Why do we follow the general norm and do what society has set out for us to do when even the most basic of questions cannot be answered by anyone? Why am I awake at 1am thinking about all this stuff, why have I been given the time to sit and think about this stuff? You tell me. Because no one else can.